Noel's 'Tales From The Middle Of Nowhere' (05/05/09)

What follows is an actual interview that actually took place. On the phone. Yesterday. Actually.

Journalist: Hello, Noel?
NG: Hello.
Jnlst: Shall we begin?
NG: Vamos!
Jnlst: Ok.
Last time you were seen in Santiago with a sex turkey, what happened?
NG: ?? 'Scuse me?
Jnlst: My pardon. What happened with a sex turkey?
NG: I'm sorry, but did you say "a sex turkey"?
Jnlst: Yes. What happened with him?

HIM?? Jesus! Now, I'll freely admit - if pushed - that I've got up to some dubious gear in the past but this guy can't really think I've had full homosexual sex with a man-turkey? Can he?

We continue...

NG: Ok. We seem to have crossed wires here. Shall we just go back to the beginning and start again? Slowly? Yes?
Jnlst: As you wish.
NG: Ok. Fire at will.
Jnlst: Sorry?
NG: Never mind, just get on with it!
Jnlst: Ok. Can you explain what it was like in Santiago with a sex turkey and how it compares with Chris Sharrock?

Now, I'm thinking, this is either a live radio comedy stunt thing or someone put acid in my tea.. unless...

NG: When you say a sex turkey, do you mean ZAK STARKEY?
Jnlst: Of course.

SEX TURKEY!

NG: Aah, Zak Starkey? You mean Zak Starkey?
Jnlst: Of course. What did you think I meant?
NG: Ha! Fuck, Zak Starkey! I thought you meant that I'd had..oh, never mind. I think we have to wrap this up.
Jnlst: But you never answer my question!!
NG: They're both the same. I need to lie down. Goodbye.

In a bit.

GD.